If I were to ask anyone in the room if they liked a moustache I'm pretty sure that a Western style tumbleweed would blow past - unless of course we're watching old black and white classics. Hello Clark Gable.
Many folk are down on the moustache. Women cite facial hair as a turn-off and the number of Gillette adverts featuring smooth-faced football stars is overwhelming. But it doesn't pay to insult the 'tache because it may improve your health.
It certainly can improve your health if you're growing a moustache for Movember.
Movember is a charity event that raises awareness of male cancers like testicular and prostate cancer, plus mental health issues. Statistics indicate that men visit the doctor less than women, sometimes leaving it too late for life-saving treatment. If you're signed up to Movember then you'll more than likely be aware of your health.
Those folks staring at your facial fuzz in gobsmacked amazement can be told all about Movember too and perhaps you'll save their life - you moustache-od superhero you.
Say no more. Actual sex on legs with a huge 'tache to boot, I bet his magnum gets all the exercise it needs to keep a flexible prostate.
There is some science behind this frothing at the mouth. Facial symmetry is an important aspect of attractiveness, mostly because it's always indicated health. A 'tache can hide imperfections and boost sex appeal. If you are confident about your looks you may do better at work, get promoted and earn more which means better health services and a happier lifestyle.
More men die from skin cancer than women, but facial hair shields you from the sun. Your upper lip will remain baby smooth, free from wrinkles and protected from cancer-giving rays. If you couple that moustache with a beard you're laughing.
Blearily scraping at your face with a sharp blade in the morning can lead to cuts and ingrown hairs. If you don't look after those properly they can morph into infections faster than the Incredible Hulk. Then you'll end up with an 'unnecessary if you had facial hair' course of antibiotics.
You won't need to smear your face with post-shave cooling gel either, who knows what most of their ingredients mean in plain English.
The extra few minutes in bed you get by avoiding a daily shave could add up substantially each week, and that could be all it takes to lower blood pressure and boost your health.
So what if your moustache becomes a playground for pubic lice and scabies, especially if you resemble Tom Selleck rather than Hulk Hogan, Borat or Adolf Hitler in any way. There are ways to deal with lice and scabies - see your GP for more information.
The moral here is don't knock the 'tache because it could benefit your health. Get stuck into Movember and see what happens. I'd recommend you stock up on condoms in advance.