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The Worst Contraception Ideas In History

Posted in: Sexual Health 25 Sep, 2015

It's World Contraception Day on 26th September! Woo! We should rejoice in the knowledge that we can have sex as many times as we please and not have to worry about pregnancy. How our lives have changed since the invention of reliable and safe pills, jellies, and rubber offerings. You're free to do as you choose, any old time. Here are the options.

Implant: It's a small flexible rod that's put into your upper arm. The progesterone released thickens your cervical mucus and thins the womb lining. It's 99% effective and lasts three years.

Condoms: are made from very thin latex (rubber), polyisoprene or polyurethane. Condoms stop sperm entering, well, anywhere! They are the only form of contraception that provides STI safety. They are 98% effective.

Diaphragm: It's a small bowl that you insert into your vagina, like a shield, before sex. It needs a covering of spermicidal jelly and is 92-96% effective.

Pill: Combined pill or progesterone only pills are available -

  • The combined pill prevents your ovaries releasing an egg. It also prevents an egg implanting into the womb. Its 99% effective.
  • The progesterone only 'mini pill' thickens the cervical mucus to stop sperm entering. It can sometimes prevent ovulation. It's 99% effective.

IUD: Not an explosive device but a small 'T' shaped copper and plastic implant for the womb. It's more than 99% effective.

There are plenty of options if you are considering contraception choices. There is always something to suit. For example, the IUD doesn't release hormones or use latex. There's no excuse. If you need contraception, get it sorted.

A Short Contraceptive History

Spare a thought for our long departed sisters, this is what they had to rely on. Remember there were no morning after pills, clinics and antibiotics back then either AND contraception was illegal at times.

Coitus Interruptus

I guess the Latin term for 'pulling out before he comes' doesn't sound so rude. It's not a particularly reliable method of contraception' what with men being notoriously forgetful.


That's right. Poo in your vagina. Ancient civilisations used crocodile poo for lots of things including wound control and contraceptive pessaries. You've got to feel sorry for the poo collector...


They've been around for ages, but they've been made of some funny stuff. The earliest recorded were chemically soaked linen sheets, and turtle shells. In the 18th century condoms were made from animal intestines. Eww! Putting a pig or sheep's intestine inside your lady parts, perhaps this was the inspiration for today's sausages?

The Sponge

Literally a sponge in a net, with a string that was soaked in stuff that sperm didn't like such as olive oil, quinine.

Praying and Hoping

Back in the day it was thought that a woman's unwillingness to conceive prevented pregnancy. This meant men managed to swerve all blame and get away with shagging around as much as they liked. There's about as much truth in it as government claims that badgers have weapons of mass destruction. Sheer force of will - the worst ever idea for contraception.

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